Merry Xmas from Planet Express
by Speciall Ed
Summary: A oneshot about Zoidberg's Xmas. Happy Holidays everyone!


**Merry X-Mas from Planet Express**

In the large Planet Express building,  
All was calm and still.  
While out on the streets,  
Santa was ready to kill.

"Lockdown," had said the Professor, coating the building in steel.  
"Tonight you're here to stay,  
For if you get killed  
Trash pick-up doesn't come 'til Thursday."

So as Santa roamed the streets  
Bringing fear to children everywhere,  
The PE crew roamed the building,  
Looking for rooms where Zoidberg wouldn't get in their hair.

Fry and Bender took the ship,  
With Professor and Hermes at the Lab.  
Nibbler crawled into the fridge,  
And ate all the food, which was sure to make Bender mad.

Amy, being rich, got a bed and room for herself,  
Scruffy took the basement,  
Which had only a cot,  
However, filled with dirty magazines, how could he not?

Leela went to the safest place in the world,  
She took to the sewers and went to here parents' house.  
They told her she'd be perfectly safe,  
Except for their problem with that radioactive mouse.

Poor Zoidberg was left all alone,  
In an empty room, dark and cold,  
He sat down on the floor,  
And thought about his day, spent with friends new and old.

What a joyous holiday it had been!  
Good old Bender, how nice he was,  
As a gift for X-Mas,  
He gave him a pile of garbage and a few dead bugs.

Zoidberg had roamed the streets and made a new friend,  
Whom he immediately did a favor for.  
All he had to do was,  
"Stand here so when Santa comes, he'll have a target so he isn't bored."

But now Zoidberg was alone,  
In his room so dark and cold.  
And he was hungry, but couldn't eat yet,  
As the bread still hadn't grown any mold.

As the night dragged on,  
And everyone else drifted off into sleep,  
Zoidberg heard the sounds of Santa's destruction,  
Reducing buildings to smoldering heaps.

But as horrible as the destruction was,  
That wasn't on the mind of the company's bum.  
He was hungry,  
And wondering when more food was to come.

He sat in the dark,  
Wondering what he should do,  
When a smell came wafting into the room,  
Something about this smell was familiar, something Zoidberg knew.

After a few moments of thinking and wondering what it could be,  
Zoidberg realized it and was disappointed he couldn't recall it with ease,  
That heavenly smell, and a hint of salt,  
It could be only one thing, delicious anchovies!

This magnificent smell was tan tantalizing to the lobster,  
And after a while of smelling the air,  
He realized an important fact,  
Those anchovies were near.

Inside the building they were,  
And so Zoidberg set out to find them.  
He would get the last known tin in the world,  
And eat the delicious things; savor its taste like a gem.

He wandered around,  
Wondering where to start.  
He went down to the basement,  
And started searching near Scruffy's "Fine Art."

With now luck down there,  
He wandered upstairs,  
And into the bathroom,  
Looking through the Professor's medicine cabinet,

Full of medicines, toxins, and for some reason, flares.  
He sorted threw them all behind his back,  
Some of which landed in the toilet.  
These things were soon flushed,  
And would leave an influence someone wouldn't forget.

For down the pipes these things began to go,  
Landing in the sewer lake next to Leela's home.  
Her parents, accustomed to such things,  
Were amazed to see a ring, covered in chrome.

A gift for Leela they thought,  
A pretty new ring.  
She wasn't expecting anything,  
She'd love the new thing.

Back above the ground,  
In the red PE building,  
Zoidberg had wandered away,  
And was now searching through Amy's things.

Into one of her many purses he looked,  
Not finding that glorious tin of fish.  
And although he didn't know it,  
Someone else would get their wish.

One night not too long ago,  
Lieutenant Kif Kroker had snuck over and placed a gift in Amy's room.  
He'd gotten enough money to replace the watch he once bought her,  
He thought she'd find it, but it was the wrong thing to assume.

As Zoidberg was looking through Amy's things,  
He threw the watch behind him and it landed on Amy's bed,  
And the next morning, when she'd wake up,  
It would be lying next to her head.

And so Zoidberg wandered into the next room,  
His good deed going unknown.  
He followed his nose into the Professor's lab,  
And looked around and let out a small moan.

The lab was huge and full of boxes and crates,  
It would take forever to go through.  
So he started looking in the first boxes,  
Looking for that can that he felt was well overdue.

He continued to look for well over an hour,  
As Santa's destruction and terror continued outside.  
Suddenly a large blast from outside knocked Zoidberg and a box over,  
And, fearing for his safety, the lobster ran away to hide.

And even though he had left the room,  
There was one thing Zoidberg forgot.  
A box full of papers all scattered about,  
And a jar, preserving what looked like an organ, preserved from rot.

Zoidberg scuttled away to the last place for him to check,  
The large Planet Express delivery ship.  
Making sure not to awaken his great friend Bender,  
Zoidberg wandered through the decks, careful not to trip.

He wandered throughout the ship until there was only one room left.  
He needed to check the cabin of Fry and Bender.  
Slipping in quickly to the small room,  
He immediately recognized the smell of the anchovies in the room, so salty and tender.

He looked for a while,  
Making sure not to interrupt his friends' sleep.  
But try as hard as he did,  
He wouldn't find the tin and still leave his friends asleep.

Just as he was about to awake Fry,  
A creaking sound made Zoidberg look upwards.  
Stored above a ceiling tile seemed to be a box.  
And the view inside it left Dr. Zoidberg without words.

In it was his Anchovies!  
Happily as he could be,  
He grabbed the tin and ran back to bed,  
Grateful something had answered his plea.

The next morning everyone woke up with great joy,  
They all had received gifts in the middle of the night!  
They all met in the lounge,  
Ignoring the sleeping crab to their right.

"Scruffy found his favorite magazine," said the janitor.  
"Kif got me a new watch!" exclaimed Amy.  
"I got more filing. This is so exciting!" shouted Hermes.  
"My parents got me a ring. It looks like it's for marriage. Do you think it'll keep Zapp away?" asked Leela.

"Yeah, that's nothing," said Bender. "Me and Fry found our lost box."  
"Yeah," Fry said, "Bender got his favorite booze and I got some Slurm."  
"Well I got some fresh organs, a gift from Santa possibly," said the Professor.  
The crew tried to ignore that comment, which made them squirm.

And as the crew talked,  
Zoidberg slept on.  
He had a tin of fish,  
His favorite, which he had believed were long gone.

**Happy Holidays everyone! Special thanks to Superdork398 for looking over the first half of the story and picking a title. **


End file.
